"The difference between war and peace with someone is usually like 15 seconds, responding to something right away," she says. "If I can spend just a long pause metabolizing it a little bit, getting some creativity in there, some space, some breathing, I can almost always respond in a way that works better for both people." In any kind of negotiation, if you're asking for more flexible arrangements, the one who can handle the silences wins, writes Maggie Lake.