Episode Highlights With Dr. Shefali
- Why she wrote this parenting book and how this one is the how-to for parents
- How we can move away from control and into connection with our kids
- The chaos and nonsense we can create as parents without realizing it
- How parents accidentally create the cycle of dysfunction in families
- No human being likes to be controlled and how this control backfires with children
- How to depersonalize interactions with our kids to calm the situation
- Anytime you perceive it as a loss of control, you are going to lose control
- Why kids aren’t trying to be disrespectful and when we fail to understand what is going on under the behavior, we create more of their behavior
- Looking for Signs: Something inside gone negative
- The three reasons children misbehave: lack of skill, lack of life experience, lack of worth and how to help each of these
- What a savior complex is and how it harms our relationship with our children
- How showing up as the savior disempowers them and makes things tougher in the long run
- Ways to teach our children to carry to oars of their own saving
- Developmentally appropriate ways to nurture this in our children
- Why she claims that our children don’t owe us respect (and I agree)
- How punishment and learning are opposed and how to actually help them learn
- Why not to have outcome focused parenting (trying to raise happy, successful children) and how this can keep them from being in touch with their feelings
- Teach your children to be authentic instead of teaching them to be happy
- Creating successful children is an unhealthy goal, and what to do instead
- How to navigate this method of parenting when parents disagree on method of parenting
- What to do when kids are angry, disrespectful, unmotivated, or lie and how to build better connection in these instances
- It’s about being more conscious not perfect
Resources We Mention
