Self-awareness and Setting Goals

You may feel dissatisfaction or discomfort in some realm of life that you want to shift. But where to start and how to succeed? In this first episode in a series on intentional living, Dr. Regan identifies ways to plan the foundation of change so that you experience growth without becoming overwhelmed. 

As referenced in the current episode: 

adultandgeriatricautism.com

Autism and Regulation podcast episode #1

 

Dr. Regan's online presentations with Zur Institute March, 2023:

Is my Client on the Spectrum? Dispelling Myths About Autism Diagnoses

Autism Assessment: The Seven Diagnostic Criteria Brought to Life

 

Dr. Regan's Resources

Course for Clinicians - Interventions in Autism: Helping Clients Stay Centered, Connect with Others, and Engage in Life

Course for Clinicians: ASD Differential Diagnoses and Associated Characteristics

Book: Understanding Autism in Adults and Aging Adults, 2nd ed

Audiobook

Book: Understanding Autistic Behaviors

Autism in the Adult website homepage

Website Resources for Clinicians

 

Read the transcript: 

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Hello and welcome to the podcast,

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autism in the adult.

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I am your host,

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Dr Theresa Regan.

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I am a neuropsychologist,

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the mom of a teen on the spectrum and I'm a certified autism specialist. For more information about my offerings and background,

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please see my website at adultandgeriatricautism.com.

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You can see the link below in the show notes.

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Today,

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we are starting a new series that I am calling autism and intentional living.

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So living with intention rather than feeling that were just plodding along day to day or that there's a tidal wave of things happening and we are along for the ride.

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I think every human has seasons of life where we just try to recenter... regroup,

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figure out if we're really living with intention and meaning. We're going to focus on the intersection of that kind of season with autistic neurology.

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Today we're going to have just a foundational and introductory session on this topic and we're going to start with the question of why would someone on the spectrum really need to consider living with intention.

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A lot of living in this with this mindset has to do with setting goals and thinking about shifts in your life if you want to change direction,

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if you want to grow in any particular area.

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And some might feel like,

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well,

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a really nonjudgmental approach is just to support people where they are at and I completely agree... if the person is doing well,

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if they're happy and healthy and they don't have goals to shift gears or adjust.

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That is completely fine.

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But many of us really do best when we have some type of momentum toward a goal,

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a momentum toward growing in a particular area...

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but sometimes it's hard to figure out ...what should these goals be and how do I make a goal that's going to stick?

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How do I make a goal that is challenging and I can grow,

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but it's not overwhelming...

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I'm not going to be in this kind of never ending,

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trying to crawl out of this huge weight on my shoulders that I've taken on with this goal.

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So this series is for people who would like to be mindful of ways in which they might like to stretch themselves or go out of their comfort zone and would like to have a topic about how to do that,

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how to think through it,

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and some of the plans and supports that might help along the way.

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Let's talk about a first step to thinking with this intentionality and to be to become more aware of ways in which you might like to grow.

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Um,

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one of the best things I think about a correct diagnosis of autism is the increased self awareness that ... should come from this diagnosis.

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So,

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if you've ever had that aha moment,

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that's what I'm talking about,

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because things fall into place and you say,

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oh my goodness,

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this makes more sense.

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This has come together.

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It really has made a lot of things feel unified and meaningful and like I have a way to understand and express what makes me tick. And this self awareness,

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this increase in self awareness, is often the first step to thinking about... in what ways do I want to just stay centered where I am and in what areas of my life might I like to shift or grow or again kind of go out of that comfort zone.

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So when you have the self awareness,

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that is often the first step toward making some goals and being mindful of where you're at and where you'd like to be after self awareness.

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One thing that can be helpful in goal setting is to think in categories of your life,

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you may already know what your goal is or what you'd like to shift,

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but there may be people who are saying,

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I guess I should probably have a goal to be a better person or to...

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you know,

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become better in some way,

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but I don't...

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I just really don't know where to start.

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It could be everything.

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Maybe it could be nothing.

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So here,

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here's a way to start.

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We're going to think about categories.

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One thing that some people that I work with who are on the autism spectrum,

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one thing they think about as a category in their life,

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could be their special interest. Their... 

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the things they love.

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Sometimes people will take that as a category and they will,

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will say,

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how...

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what kind of place does this have in my life right now,

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and am I satisfied with that?

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Or do I have this special interest,

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but I'd like to grow in a way that makes it more functional or meaningful for a broader audience.

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So,

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one way to think about it is,

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oh,

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I love, for example,

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if the special interest is creative writing and I have these characters,

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I have these narratives and plots in my head,

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and I think about what this character would say to that character,

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or I love history,

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and I combine these characters with historical timelines or science fiction themes.

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You know,

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this person may say,

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I have loved this for a long time,

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and I've gotten to the point where I've developed characters and themes perhaps a way to stretch myself in this area of strength is to say,

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do I want to have a goal to publish something perhaps to share it with other people who might enjoy it,

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perhaps to make some additional income from my writing,

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perhaps to grow as a writer.

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You know,

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this person may have this love of creative writing,

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but they may not have a degree in writing.

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They may not have taken classes.

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So,

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one category to think about is your interest.

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And in what ways might you want to grow in that area,

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you may take a course,

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You may create a product,

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you may create a website.

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Perhaps you want to publish fan fiction,

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Perhaps you want to publish an e book.

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Um,

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the publishing options are really broad right now.

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Another individual on the spectrum may love athletic pursuits.

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Perhaps they run and run and they just love that movement.

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They love to be outside.

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It's one of their special interests.

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They read a lot of running magazines,

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they read about nutrition for the runner and stretching.

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And this has been really a love that they've had for several years.

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This person may wish to think about whether they would like to broaden what they're doing with running.

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So their goal or their intention for growth might be that they'd like to train for a specific race or marathon.

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Another person may say,

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oh,

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you know,

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I don't know if I want to do that or maybe I've already done it,

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but they may say I would like to meet some new people to connect with the community and to give back uh,

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and bless other people.

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So I think I'm going to see if I could coach some track or cross country in the community and teach other people what I love and what I'm good at.

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So you can see that one category for growth and intention and momentum can be a special interest and something that you love,

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you've researched,

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you've done it and you'd like to expand that. 

Another category I'd like you to consider is health and wellness.

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There are so many different areas... that this part of life can feel overwhelming. For the autistic though.

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If you want to think about health and wellness,

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you might think about areas that are particularly easy or particularly difficult for you.

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One person on the spectrum may have a love of nutrition and cooking and again that can be combined with the last category where they're gonna start to teach other people about that.

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However,

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another person on the spectrum may really find it difficult to expand

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the range of what they eat.

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They might say to themselves.

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I would like to expand my palate.

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This is not to say that they must eat every food.

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No,

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it's just saying if I go out of my comfort zone,

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how could I do that?

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Or maybe the individual says,

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you know what,

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I don't think I'm going to expand my palate but I do want to focus on... within the foods I can eat comfortably...

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How could I get better nutrition.

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So this person might say I'm going to try adding a protein powder to my smoothie that I have every day or I'm going to try some supplements because I really can do pretty well with swallowing pills or capsules, and I want to make sure I'm getting all the vitamins that I need... or all the minerals.

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Another person in the area of health and wellness may realize that they spend a lot of their time doing seated work.

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Maybe they love to do video games or they have a youtube channel that they keep up and they really enjoy that.

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Perhaps the part of health and wellness that they choose to move forward with might be movement.

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You know,

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a lot of times the nervous system,

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particularly for those on the spectrum might need close attention to... how much movement and pressure does their nervous system need.  Pressure,

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meaning pressure in the muscles,

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like a weighted blanket OR pressure in the joints.

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Like lifting weights,

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yoga.

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A lot of times these sensory inputs are regulating and calming for well always for any human,

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but the person on the spectrum may really need that need that intentionality,

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that purposefulness where they really increase that during their daily routine.

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This person may start with saying I really need more movement.

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Therefore I'm going to walk the dog in the morning or I'm going to get a rocking chair and rock.

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Uh it's not exercise but it gives the nervous system movement input.

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And that can be for some people regulating where they feel more centered if they get to rock,

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another person may feel like,

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gosh I need more pressure input.

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Um I'm going to get a hammock so I can lay in the hammock,

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I'm going to get a weighted blanket.

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There's lots of ways to think about health and wellness as a category.

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Speaking of sensory regulation techniques,

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let's talk about regulation as a category,

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you can see past series that talk through a lot of detail about regulation.

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Every individual on the spectrum will find some challenges in the area of regulation.

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And here let's talk about regulation of emotions and of the internal motor,

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how activated someone feels or how sluggish.

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So for the autistic individual they may have difficulty staying centered,

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calm,

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attentive,

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and that they find that just right spot where they don't feel anxious,

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angry,

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overwhelmed or frozen,

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where they're aware and they're centered. There are strategies for regulation and I will put the link to that regulation series in the show notes.

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Someone may think of this category of regulation and say,

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you know,

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I would like to stay more even, I would like to feel more steady in my own person ...that I can feel resilient toward the day.

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And so my area for growth that I choose is to live with some intention about how to regulate myself

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the best that I can across time every day.

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Another great area for consideration would be relationships and communication.

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Not everyone needs a goal in this area,

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but the self awareness of the categories can help us think through again with intention.

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Like is this the place I'd like to be in my relationships and if you're in that place,

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super.

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If you would like to improve some area,

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you might consider whether you want to be intentional about some goals in that area.

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One individual may feel like they really have relationships that work well for them and they have this already established way of communicating this rhythm together and they just want to keep and maintain that -- another person may want to figure out how to get some extra social time and and kind of add to their relationships in a way that feels really satisfying to them.

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Like what type of person would I like to connect with and what kind of activities do I actually like to do with people... again in a way that feels really satisfying and filling to that individual.

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Another person may have a communication goal,

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they might say,

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you know,

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I'm super good at presenting facts and details at work,

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I like going on conference calls,

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I know what to say when it's my turn to talk,

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but I really get overwhelmed with conflict and I can shut down,

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I can freeze and at some point I might just kind of blow up and go too far trying to get my point across,

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I might want there to be justice in this situation and it's really difficult for me to know how to have effective communication without shutting down or blowing up in a case where there's a lot at stake ... where there's high emotion. That might be your area of growth this season,

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An additional category,

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may be everyday life tasks.

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We all have these kind of mundane,

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repetitive,

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really uninspiring things that have to get done in our everyday life.

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We have to pay bills... we need to take the car to get an oil change.

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We're really due to go to the dentist,

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you know,

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appointments and tasks and chores... these kinds of things.

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This may be an area where someone wants to push themselves this season and kind of get in a better rhythm. For one person.

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It may be tackling how to really clean their environment.

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... more frequently or ...or less frequently.

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How to declutter. For people on the spectrum who have great collections and love different objects perhaps related to their interest,

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they may feel they've gotten to the point where there's just not enough space... or they've spent too much money and they want to figure out how to balance out how many collections they have.

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Another person may feel like they want to figure out a better rhythm for budgeting.

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It's really tough to balance.

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you know...

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I've got to pay these bills first.

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But then this unexpected bill came and also I have these things related to my interests that I would really really love to invest my money in as well.

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There's also this executive function piece to money management of,

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have I set up all these automatic accounts?

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Have I forgotten to pay something.

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Have I not realized that my check didn't land in my account properly.

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So organization, planning, details and being able to wait to perhaps get something that you really love.

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Those things might be this category for you of tackling daily tasks a little differently.

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And someone else may want to work on how to get out there in the community,

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navigate their community,

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Perhaps they have a license to drive,

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they have a car,

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but it is not their favorite thing to do.

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Perhaps strategies related to...

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how do I maintain getting out of the house and connecting with people when driving is really kind of draining for me.

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A final category you might want to think about is the family culture.

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So if you live in a household with other people,

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you might want to think about how the culture works.

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This is part of self awareness and intentionality.

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Because what happens in any household is that we get into this just rhythm of what needs to be done.

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Who said

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what?

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Who did

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what,

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Who's irritating which person?

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Um and the culture can very easily drift into,

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hey don't do that or why didn't you do this?

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A lot of telling people how they're falling short ...having them know what our expectation is that they behave differently,

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that they do different tasks... and that can be a very draining kind of culture when we drift into that.

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So a different culture might be again focusing on this intentionality and awareness...

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To introduce the culture where our thought process is "this is what I need today."

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Maybe you're working on regulation and you need to take certain things into account to get better centered or more centered,

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but you have this culture emerging at home where you realize that other people may have a different need.

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So we say "this is what I need today,

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what is it that you need?"

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And then we say,

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how can we both get our needs met?

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And there are times when yeah,

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everybody can't get all their needs met.

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But this culture of trying to protect other people's needs and bring them out into the open and negotiate about those is really nice,

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it's really fun,

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freeing,

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It changes us from adversaries to partners.

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So if a dad is super sound sensitive and just had a rough day on a zoom call with his boss and he comes in and his five year old daughter is in her ballerina costume and she's singing and twirling and jumping and she jumps into his arms.

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You know,

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he may have this strong reaction like,

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oh my gosh,

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this house is a mess,

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this child is spinning all around and it's so loud,

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so loud,

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I'm so sound sensitive,

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I need my own space.

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I mean my own quiet.

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Um and he could very easily react to this and say stop,

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go to your room.

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Um but a shift in culture may look like look at you,

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you are all dressed up.

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Does that feel good?

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It looks like you'd really love to spin and sing today.

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I really need quiet.

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My ears are hurting.

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They're kind of sensitive today.

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If you're wanting to sing and dance and I need quiet and rest,

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how could we both get our needs met?

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And then dad could say,

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hey,

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I wonder if you could sing and dance in the basement, and I could have some rest and quiet time in the backyard ...and then we could meet back here and you can tell me more about your dancing that would represent a shift in culture.

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How does this household handle the needs of others when they conflict?

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Um,

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so that maybe this area of growth that you might want to focus on for a season today,

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we've talked about the way that an autism diagnosis creates some freedom and openness by increasing self awareness.

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This is how I work.

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This is what makes me tick.

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This is what I need and that in itself is an expanding out of the smaller place that you might have felt you existed in before.

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So with this expansion of self awareness,

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we can either kind of go back to life as usual or we can ride the tidal wave of all our daily activities and things that we're used to doing or we can pause and kind of restock and think about if I want to live intentionally and perhaps I want to grow,

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I want to go out of my comfort zone,

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I want to have goals and momentum toward those goals,

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but I don't want to be overwhelmed.

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You know,

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this is a way to approach that.

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If you would like to take some journey with me during the series,

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take some time this month to say which of these categories might fit where I'm at and where I'd like to have some growth now I do not want you to make goals in every category.

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No,

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this is about being intentional without um kind of running ourselves into the ground.

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We don't want to make so many goals that we just um can't keep up the momentum because we're weighted down.

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So just pick a category and pick one little goal,

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one area of growth within that category to start and then in the future you can redo other categories but be mindful think about intention and what you would like to think through as an area of growth and then join me back next time because what we're going to talk about in the second session of the series is how to take an area within a category and think about it in more specific ways in order to make a goal.

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Many clients that I have come in and say I'd like to grow in this area,

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but I have no idea how what kind of goal I can have success with or what kind of goal is reasonable for me at this time of my life,

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I feel lost about how to make a goal,

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how to choose a goal,

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how to choose an area of....

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So next episode will be about that topic and then in the future will have additional episodes of this series that takes some of these categories and break them down even more with some strategies that might help you create more growth and wellness in any of these categories of life.

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So,

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food for thought for this month,

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I'm so glad you joined me and I hope that you come back again with some thoughts about where you would like to have more intention in your living.