I've in the past shaved my facial hair into various moustaches to have a look. And they look universally appalling. They don't suit me. I had a look at a moustache once and I looked like... Somehow it made my chin just seem to disappear. A beard works alright on me. But with a moustached I look like I'm a footballer from the 1980s. Blonde. Tash. I look like a German footballer. Klaus Thompson. Especially if you've got the mullet. Yeah, great. You would. Steve Coogan character. Paul Carr is a mancunian. It's not really his voice. Do it for Halloween or

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