People-Pleasing as a Regulation Strategy

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If you've ever felt like you're working twice as hard as everyone else just to keep your head above water… this episode is going to feel like a deep exhale.

Because when you're trying harder and harder—making more lists, getting more "disciplined," pushing yourself into new-year productivity mode—and it's still not working? That's not a character flaw. It's not laziness. And it's definitely not that you're "bad at adulthood."

In today's conversation, I'm joined by Brooke Schnitman, executive function coach and former special education teacher with 20+ years of experience helping adults with ADHD stop fighting their brains and start working with them. Brooke was diagnosed with ADHD at 35, so she understands this from the inside out—and she explains why willpower isn't the problem… regulation is.

We talk about the overwhelm/underwhelm cycle that keeps so many women stuck, how "all-or-nothing" thinking hijacks decluttering (and basically everything else), and the small, realistic shifts that help you build momentum—without burning out or spiraling into shame.

If decluttering (or even just managing life) feels harder than it "should," this episode will help you finally understand why… and what to do instead.

KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE: 1) "Try harder" backfires because ADHD isn't an effort problem—it's a regulation problem

Brooke explains how ADHD brains can't reliably access willpower the same way, especially under stress. When you push harder, your nervous system floods, executive function shuts down, and the shame spiral kicks in.

2) Underwhelm can be just as paralyzing as overwhelm—and it's sneakier

Overwhelm looks like "too much." But underwhelm looks like "I'm bored, stuck, scrolling, restless… and I don't know why I can't start." Brooke shares how ADHD brains need the right level of stimulation to initiate action.

3) Momentum comes from tiny wins (the "1% step"), not marathon motivation

One small action creates a dopamine hit → which creates more action → which creates momentum → which creates confidence. You don't need a perfect plan. You need a next step you can actually do—and ideally, accountability to help you do it.

Mentioned In This Episode

Coaching with Brooke: https://www.coachingwithbrooke.com/

Get Brooke's Book: https://www.coachingwithbrooke.com/activatebook

Brooke's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachingwithbrooke/

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