Patriarchy and Masculinity

#285

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Here’s a quote from Terrence Real, therapist and author of the best seller: I Dont Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression

“The way we turn boys into men is through injury.

We pull them away from their own expressiveness, from their feelings, from their sensitivity to others.

The very phrase “To be a man” means suck it up and keep going.

Disconnection is not the fallout from traditional masculinity, disconnection IS traditional masculinity.”

What Terrence Real is saying is most men have been indoctrinated to manhood through sustaining injury – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. We are taught to deal with that injury by disconnecting from our emotions.

So not only are we walking around with untreated mental, emotional and spiritual wounds…

…we don’t even have the awareness that we’re wounded because we’re so disconnected from our emotions and ourselves.

Here are some signs that wounds exist:

• You self sabotage when things in your life are going well
• You have difficulty maintaining intimacy in romantic relationships
• You are surrounded by people yet feel misunderstood and alone
• You don’t have deep emotional relationships with other men
• You have a hard time trusting men
• You have a hard time trusting women
• You carry guilt or shame in your sexuality

In This Episode:

The 7 Masculine Wounds:

1. Growing up without a father/father figure
2. Growing up with an emotionally unavailable father
3. Enmeshment with a mother
4. Never learning how to trust men with his emotions
5. Having been bullied for size/status/sexual orientation
6. Hazing rituals as normalized rights of passage to acceptance
7. Believing pain and suffering are the most noble paths to success

The impact these wounds have on our resiliency, on our ability to connect, on our ability to be trustworthy leaders

How men’s work facilitates the ability to turn towards, face and heal these wounds