The capacity to make somebody feel understood, or at least to know what steps to take to get there seems to me to be absolutely key in one's relationship to one's children. I finally came up with this formulation for one of my teenage children so if you're listening to this and you have teenage children I just want you to know I'm sorry. And then I said but my respect and my friendship does not come automatically that has to be earned. It was a kind of a good balance between unconditional love which is always there, but that doesn't mean, you know, I love you as my child I just don't respect you right now. That's a valuable lesson guy being father