The Problems With Identification

Two and a half months ago my father was found dead in his home, the cause a self-inflicted bullet wound to the head. He died surrounded by bottles of empty alcohol and food containers. I missed him and regretted every moment I'd held anger in my heart against him. Each day is a reminder of how I've failed him. My question is, how do I prevent this from ending me? How do I tether myself? Signed, lost.