The Male Gaze

i didn't have a clear sense of what my own body was. I was being told to gawk and obsess over outside things. And it also makes sense that when i did become orthorexic, it wasn't that i was trying to have the perfect body. There was nothing in my sphere of influence that made me want to be more attractive. They were to not think of that at all. Because if you were thinking about your attractiveness, you hadn't renounced pleasure or, you know, the egotism, or the acquisitive self,. So then, like, what was i trying to do with this body that didn't really exist, but that i needed to

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