Suicidality - I Don't Want to Quit

i didn't want to let go of alcohol. It was, i, i, my identity had become so wrapped up in it. My idea of alcoholic sononymous was it was a religious cult that forced you to accept god and into your heart in order to be saved. I wanted to find some kind of secular path to sobriety. And i finally got to a point where, again, for whatever reason, i think i had just had enough. Soim imagining you were stuck between being and feeling miserable, not being able to get sober and healthy, but not wanting to quit.