EP. 41: Why You Can't Change Your ADHD Habits (Your Identity Is Keeping You Stuck) | ADHD with Jenna Free
ADHD with Jenna Free
Outro
Jenna invites listeners to the hangout, summarizes the identity focus, and closes the episode.
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Chapters 00:00 Introduction: Free Regulated Vision for 2026 Hangout 01:15 Identity and ADHD: How You See Yourself Changes Everything 02:35 The Stereotypical ADHD Identity Trap 04:30 Your Brain Will Fight to Keep Your Identity (Even If You Hate It) 06:00 Identity Acts as a Filter 07:15 My Non-ADHD Example: Intuitive Eating Journey 09:05 My ADHD Identity Shifts 11:00 When ADHD Is No Longer Your Personality 12:25 We Act in Ways That Confirm Who We Believe We Are 14:10 ADHDers Think They Can't Do Long-Term Things 16:00 Notice Where ADHD Language Shrinks You 17:30 Regulation Work Is For People Who Believe Change Is Possible
Summary In this episode, I talk about ADHD identity and how the way you see yourself determines what you attempt, what you tolerate, and how you grow. Most ADHD conversations focus on symptoms, tools, and hacks - very little attention is given to identity. But here's the thing: most change doesn't fail because of effort, it fails because of identity. The stereotypical ADHD identity sounds like "ADHDers can't watch a two-minute video" or "I'm scattered, I can't focus, I do things last minute, I can't follow through." These may describe states or actions (especially when dysregulated), but they get mistaken for traits - for who we are. When we solidify these states into our identity, we stop trying to build capacity, stop trusting ourselves, and regulation feels unrealistic. Your nervous system will work hard to protect your identity, even parts you don't like. Identity acts as a filter - it determines what you notice and dismiss. If you identify as someone who can't focus, you'll unconsciously collect evidence that confirms it. This is why ADHD regulation efforts feel pointless when we think "this is just who I am." I share my journey with intuitive eating (shifting from strict dieter to intuitive eater over 10 years with zero effort now) and my ADHD journey (from "I just do things last minute, that's who I am" to identifying as someone who values slowing down and regulation). When ADHD is no longer your personality or ceiling, when symptoms and dysregulation aren't who you are, everything opens up. People stay consistent through identity, not willpower - you don't have to motivate yourself to act in character. When identity shifts, urgency-based motivation fades and positive motivators come out. Regulation work is for people who believe change is possible and are ready to expand how they see themselves.
Action Step This week, ask yourself: How do I describe myself? What do I identify with? Do the ways I identify make regulation, growth, and the change I'm looking for easier or harder? Notice where ADHD language shrinks you - phrases like "I'm a procrastinator," "I can't focus," "I'm lazy," "I'm not motivated." These keep you stuck. Consider what shifts you might make in how you want to see yourself. Are you someone who values enjoying life? Are your actions showing that? Are you someone who believes change is possible? Start there. You don't have to change who you are, but work on how you see yourself - that's the first step before any regulation work can stick.
Takeaways
- Most ADHD change doesn't fail because of effort, it fails because of identity - the way you see yourself determines what you attempt and what feels possible
- Your brain fights to keep your identity even if you don't like it - going against who you believe you are feels unsafe, so if you identify as "scattered and can't focus," your system will work to keep that
- Identity acts as a filter determining what you notice and dismiss - if you take criticism to heart but dismiss compliments, that's your identity at work
- People stay consistent through identity, not willpower - you don't have to motivate yourself to act in character, you naturally do things that align with how you see yourself
- Regulation work is for people who believe change is possible, value depth over hacks, and are ready to expand how they see themselves - not for people who want to stay inside the ADHD stereotype
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