085: Abby Davisson - Navigating Money & Love
Mindful Money
Factors to Consider Before Getting Married
This chapter explores the importance of discussing career aspirations, expectations about having children, and potential challenges faced by heterosexual couples in terms of caregiving responsibilities. It emphasizes the need for clear communication and thoughtful consideration of these factors before entering into marriage.
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Abby Davisson has dedicated her career to helping other people achieve their goals, first as a social innovation leader, and now as an author and entrepreneur whose work has been featured in Fortune, Financial Times, Harvard Business Review, and Fast Company , among others. Abby co-authored the book, Money & Love: An Intelligent Roadmap for Life’s Biggest Decisions , and went on to become Founder and CEO of The Money & Love Institute, prior to which she drove social impacts as the President of the Gap Foundation.
Today, Abby joins the show to discuss how money and love factor into big life decisions, what couples should be considering prior to marriage, and what it means to live your authentic path.
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Key Takeaways
00:45 – Jonathan introduces today’s guest, Abby Davisson, who joins the show to share early experiences that informed her money experience
04:51 – Abby’s career in social impact and the genesis of her book, Money & Love
11:43 – How money and love factor into big life decisions 16:08 – The Five Cs of decision making
22:53 – The most important factors to consider before getting married
25:25 – Regret and living your authentic path
30:08 – One thing couples can do today to make better decisions and one thing to completely ignore
32:45 – The last thing Abby changed her mind about and one thing people don’t know about her that she would like them to know
37:32 – Jonathan thanks Abby for joining the show and lets listeners know where to connect with her
Tweetable Quotes
“I knew that it was possible to make dramatic changes in life, but I didn’t grow up in a family that talked about money a lot. And so, that was something that I had to come to through a different set of experiences.” (03:04) (Abby)
“Couples that live together before they get married have higher divorce rates. And that seemed very surprising to us, counterintuitive even. And so we wrote our final paper looking at why that was the case, if anything could be done to avoid it. And, yes, it turns out that there is something that can be done to avoid those negative outcomes, and that is being intentional.” (06:54) (Abby)
“Children born today - a baby born today in the Western world - has a majority chance of living to be 100.” (09:52) (Abby)
“All big life decisions - whether it’s moving across the country to accept a job or moving in with someone because you are excited to take your relationship to the next level - have a component of money and love to them. And if you make them in a siloed way, you are more likely to make a decision that you regret because you’re not thinking holistically and not acknowledging the fact that money and love are inextricably linked.” (12:19) (Abby)
“The first [of the Five Cs] is to clarify what is most important to you. The second is to communicate with the other person or people involved in the decision. The third is to examine and consider a broad range of choices. The fourth is to check in with trusted resources. And the fifth is to consider a broad range of consequences.” (16:15) (Abby)
“One thing living in Northern California that I think really helps is nature. I think getting into a place where you feel small relative to what else is out there enables introspection. One of the ways that my husband and I have found to have our most effective communication is on hikes. There’s something about being outside, away from the clutter of the dishes, and the sink, and the laundry that hasn’t been folded, that allows us to think more expansively.” (21:26) (Abby)
“There’s been a lot of research about people at the end of their lives. And what they most regret is not living a life that is authentic to themselves, but trying to follow a path that was expected of them or that they thought was their path but then they realized, ‘Oh, that actually wasn’t my authentic path.’” (25:32) (Abby)
“Pay attention to what you have outsized emotional reactions to. Sometimes, what is helpful as a North Star is understanding your core values in all of this. And one way you can do that is by looking at a set of values and circling the ones that are resonant for you.” (27:32) (Abby)
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