The Mistake Couples Make in Relationships

In this episode, Kimberly and Stan discuss attachment theory, styles of learned attachment, and ways to maintain healthy relationships. They discuss attachment theory regarding parent-child relationships as well as romantic partners, differences between codependence and interdependent relationships, and how to work towards mutually beneficial relationships even during conflict. Tatkin believes that with proper understanding and/or coaching, all humans can sustain loving and beneficial relationships despite conflict.

Bio

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®. Tatkin has written many books based on his attachment and relationship work such as Wired for Love and most recently Baby Bomb. Tatkin created the PACT Institute in 2010 with his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, to train mental health professionals to think and work through a psychobiological lens in their clinical practice.

What He Shares:

--Definition of Attachment theory

--Attachment styles (Islands, Waves, and Anchors)

--Co-Dependence vs. Interdependence

--Single and step parenting

--Handling conflict

What You'll Hear:

--Attachment theory is felt sense of safety and security of infant and primary caregiver

--Secure and insecure reactions of infant, child, adult

--Island, Wave, and Anchors as learned attachment behaviors

--Island preoccupied with independence and autonomy

--Wave encouraged to stay dependent

--Co-dependence as one-way street

--Interdependence as two autonomous beings in agreement of stakeholders in relationship

--Healthy relationships always being two-person system, not individual

--Couples as co-architects creating culture around them

--Thinking big picture in a relationship

--Importance of vetting before a relationship

--Focus on perfect relationship: safety & security, love & affection, admiration & growth

--Relationship/children hierarchy

--Single parents moving to relationships

--Evolution of pair-bonding in herds

--Interrupting stress patterns during conflict to remember benefits of other person

--Put something in place to remind each other to keep from harming each other

--Humans wired for threat, have to work through emphasizing love and benefits for individuals involved

Resources

website www.thepactinstitute.com

IG: @drstantatkin