Anxiety Isn't the Problem — It's the Habit Loop Behind It

I recently had a conversation with psychiatrist and neuroscientist Jud Brewer that stopped me in my tracks — not because it was abstract or inspirational, but because it finally explained something I've lived with for decades.

Even in long-term sobriety.

Even with years of self-work, therapy, meetings, journaling, and personal development.

That thing is anxiety — and more specifically, how anxiety quietly turns into habits like worrying, overthinking, scrolling, information hoarding, procrastinating, and self-judgment.

What Dr. Brewer helped me see is this:

Anxiety isn't a personal flaw. It's a learned habit loop.

And once I saw that clearly, everything changed.

Worry Is a Behavior — Not a Personality Trait

One of the most powerful reframes from our conversation was this:

Worry isn't just a feeling — it's something we do.

Anxiety shows up as a sensation in the body. Worry is the mental behavior we use to try to control that sensation.

And here's the trap: Worry feels productive. It feels like we're doing something. That tiny sense of relief is enough to reward the brain — which means the loop gets reinforced.

Anxiety → Worry → Temporary relief → Repeat

Over time, this becomes automatic. So automatic we don't even realize we're doing it.

That's the definition of a habit.

Why "Why Am I Like This?" Keeps Us Stuck

As someone in recovery, I'm very familiar with the idea of "getting to the root cause." Childhood trauma, identity, shame, conditioning — all of that matters.

But here's what surprised me:

Dr. Brewer says the "why" is often the least important part when it comes to changing anxiety.

Not because the past doesn't matter — but because focusing on why often keeps us stuck in our heads instead of helping us change what we're doing right now.

When anxiety hits, the more helpful question isn't:

"Why am I like this?"

It's:

"What am I getting from this behavior?"

That question shifts us from self-blame to curiosity — and curiosity is where real change begins.

The Default Mode Network (AKA: The Overthinking Machine)

We also talked about the brain's default mode network — the system that activates when we're not focused on a task.

This network lights up when we:

Worry about the future
Replay the past
Judge ourselves
Compare ourselves to others
Crave, resist, or ruminate

In other words: it's the "me, me, me" network.

When fear (an urge to act now) gets crossed with planning (thinking about the future), we get anxiety.

Anxiety doesn't help us act. It freezes us.

That's why so many high-achievers know exactly what to do — and still don't do it.

The Three Gears of Change (This Is the Part That Actually Helps)

Dr. Brewer's work focuses on a simple but profound process he calls the three gears:

⚙️ Gear 1: Awareness

Notice the behavior.

Worrying. Scrolling. Self-judging. Avoiding.

No fixing. No shaming. Just noticing.

If it's automatic, it's a habit — and habits can be changed.

⚙️ Gear 2: Ask "What Am I Getting From This?"

This is the most overlooked step.

Not:

"What should I be doing?"
"What's wrong with me?"
"Why can't I just stop?"

But:

What is this giving me right now?

Safety? Distraction? Avoidance of shame? Temporary relief?

When we see clearly that the reward is small — and the cost is high — the habit starts to lose its power.

⚙️ Gear 3: Find the Bigger, Better Offer

This is where things shift.

Instead of numbing, distracting, or fighting anxiety, we learn to meet it differently — and that feels better than the habit itself.

That's where the RAIN practice comes in.

RAIN: A Way to Be With Anxiety Without Escaping It

RAIN stands for:

R – Recognize what's happening
A – Allow it to be there
I – Investigate with curiosity (What does this feel like in my body?)
N – Note what's happening moment to moment

Here's the surprising part:

When we stop trying to get rid of anxiety and simply observe it, it often passes on its own.

Cravings peak and fall. Sensations rise and fade.

Even when they feel like they'll last forever — they don't.

Action Steps (Try This This Week)

If anxiety, overthinking, or procrastination are showing up in your life, try this:

Catch the Habit Notice when anxiety turns into worrying, scrolling, or self-judgment.
Ask One Question What am I getting from this right now?
Practice RAIN Don't fix. Don't flee. Just observe.
Change the Language Instead of "I am anxious," try: "I'm noticing anxiety in my body."
Let the Wave Pass You don't have to do anything for it to end.

Resources Mentioned

Unwinding Anxiety by Jud Brewer
Trigger–Habit–Outcome Mapping (free worksheet referenced by Dr. Brewer)
RAIN mindfulness practice
Going Beyond Anxiety program (Dr. Brewer's advanced work)

Final Thought

You're not broken. You're not failing. You're not missing some secret piece of information.

Your brain learned a habit — and habits can be unlearned.

With awareness, curiosity, and kindness, anxiety doesn't have to run your life.

It can become a signal — not a sentence.

💛

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