The Importance of Sexual Perfectionism

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I came up with the term sexual perfectionism to describe this pressure that so many of us put on ourselves to have sex that unfolds perfectly and effortlessly just like we see it in the movies. You really never see any moments of imperfection in the movies, right? But you never see the little things that happen and that can go wrong during sex. So again, it's this internalization effect a lot of us see these scenes so much that we feel like that's what I'm supposed to look like. And if you hold yourself to this idealistic standard, how could you be anything but let down? Absolutely.

Sex and relationship expert Vanessa Marin discusses the taboo nature of discussing sex and how it can lead to unmet needs and dissatisfaction in relationships. Her new book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, provides practical exercises and dialogue prompts to improve communication around intimacy, breaking down shame and stigma. Through open discussions on touchy subjects and setting rituals for intimacy, Marin believes couples can foster deeper connection, igniting intimacy and enhancing their love lives.

Many people struggle to openly discuss sex due to shame and stigma.
Open communication about sex and intimacy is important for a healthy relationship.
Vanessa recommends five core conversations: acknowledgment, connection, desire, pleasure, and exploration.
She provides practical methods to make these conversations easier.
Rituals like makeout routines can create intimacy
Understanding one's desires, boundaries, and pleasures enables satisfying communication.
Giving positive feedback during sex helps partners figure out each other's pleasures.
Scheduling sex demonstrates priorities but reframing as "planning" can help.

You can find Vanessa at: Website | Instagram

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