Grieving the Losses

I have this niggling feeling that one reason I'm having trouble committing to Christmas is that it feels weird to be back to what other people consider normal and I still have not done of even a beginning of an accounting of what was lost. The most pecants and painful one for me is the losses of like basically two years of doing stuff with my kid that was like stuff we like to do. It doesn't feel as certainly we're not in lockdown people are traveling and running around and you know whatever every kid is sick of course but they all get sick, right? So yeah no um here's my weird take on this and I'm gonna say it's kind of a weird