When people progress towards secure attachment, they go through a series of steps. They tend to form a coherent narrative of what happened to them in the past and why it happened. Then second, they start to have corrective emotional experiences with other people. And then finally, the fourth step, acting differently. If your tendency is to withdraw, you can do all of these things to make withdrawal less rewarding or make connection less painful. But ultimately, there comes a moment where connection is still kind of painful and withdrawal is still looking awfully appealing over there.

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