Heidegger's Death Drive

I don't think it's possible to relate to your death in the way that Heidegger thinks that you can. That thrownness, your own thrownness, creates this relation to death. And that taking it up is really how you come to understand yourself. I used to- I used to be so firmly convinced of this. But if you didn't have your own death in front of your thoughts all the time, then you weren't free. Right? It's just funny how- I don't think that anymore.