ADHD Shame and Emotional Reactions

Hey team!

This week, I'm joined by Rae Jacobson, journalist, ADHD expert, and host of Hyperfocus at Understood.org, to talk about how we make sense of ADHD when it feels like it's everywhere. Rae has spent over a decade reporting on mental health and neurodiversity, and she brings that blend of research, lived experience, and sharp humor that makes big ideas actually relatable.

This was honestly one of my favorite episodes that I've recorded this year - while Rae and I were brainstorming ideas that two ADHD podcasters could talk about, I think we hit on a very salient topic, the over-pathologizing of ADHD within the community. While we love to find all the things that are from our ADHD, it's also true that not everything is because of our ADHD.

In our conversation today, we dig into the ways ADHD often gets pathologized, how everything from losing your keys to getting a song stuck in your head can get blamed on ADHD, and why that can actually make it harder to understand what's really going on. We get into "symptoms of symptoms," the tricky overlap between ADHD and other conditions like depression and anxiety, and why community spaces like Reddit can both help and hurt when it comes to self-diagnosis. And of course, we also go down a few very ADHD side paths about clutter, shame spirals, and why having too many pens is basically a personality trait at this point.

If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/258

YouTube: https://tinyurl.com/y835cnrk

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/HackingYourADHD

This Episode's Top Tips

1. 1. When considering what is and isn't ADHD, it's important to remember the context of ADHD as a chronic condition - as in it's something that we deal with all the time. Everyone is going to lose their keys every once in a while, but with ADH,D the difference is in the pattern and the impact. Without the systems I have in place to make sure my keys go into the same place every time, I would be losing them every day.
   2. Not everything annoying is an ADHD trait; sometimes it's just being a human in a busy, overstimulating world. While there are a lot of comorbidities with ADHD, if we try to label everything as ADHD, we lose the ability to tell what actually needs attention. Instead of asking, "Is this ADHD?", try asking, "Is this making my life unmanageable?" That's the line that separates "normal chaos" from "I might need help with this."
   3. But when ADHD does show up alongside things like depression, anxiety, or trauma, those conditions can feed into each other. You need to figure out who's driving the bus. Treating the wrong "driver" means you'll burn energy fixing the wrong problem. So before building systems or blaming ADHD, step back and ask what's actually behind the behavior.