There is absolutely guilt that we didn't know when he first went into a nursing home that we could have gotten some financial aid to get him into a better living situation. All the complicated trauma relationships comes up when people are depending on you. They don't have a good relationship with death in this country. And even with my mom trial and error of you think one thing is the focus and then you learn halfway through that that's no longer relevant or that's what you, the kind of rabbit hole that you were going down is a dead end.

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