Self Loathing

Even if i was acting completely normal, i would pick myself apart and get angry at myself for not being funnier. I always had something negative to say about myself. But the thing is is that it was all subconscious. It was all in the back of my head, and nobody really knew about it. To be honest, i wasn't even fully aware of it. Like it was like white noise in my head. And i would have moments s where i was aware of it, and i was like, why am i so fucking men to myself?