External Validation: Helpful or Harmful

What’s been making you doubt yourself lately?

What do you think triggered that feeling?

Today, Jay welcomes back his friend Roxie Nafousi to unpack what confidence actually looks and feels like, not the glossy, loud, performative version, but the quiet inner knowing that you are enough as you are. They start by breaking down how much of our insecurity comes from the stories we tell ourselves: the overthinking before we walk into a room, the mental replay after we walk out, and the way we let validation, or the lack of it, shape our worth.

Roxie then opens up about something she’s never shared publicly: her long struggle with body dysmorphic disorder. She talks honestly about the thoughts that dominated her life, the fear of being seen, and the belief that changing her appearance would quiet the constant self-criticism. Jay meets her with compassion as they unpack how these patterns form, how they shape the way you move through the world, and how healing begins with learning to speak to yourself with empathy instead of judgment.

Jay and Roxie offer a roadmap that anyone can follow: mastering your inner voice, letting go of the pressure to be liked by everyone, celebrating the small wins, and choosing to show up as the version of yourself your higher self would be proud of.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to Redefine Confidence From the Inside Out

How to Stop Seeking External Validation 

How to Manage Comparison Before It Controls You

How to Think Like Your Higher Self

How to Break Free From People-Pleasing

How to Handle Rejection Without Blaming Yourself

How to Replace Self-Criticism With Self-Awareness

When you start choosing compassion over judgment, intention over fear, and growth over perfection, you slowly reconnect with the part of yourself that’s always been there. The journey isn’t about becoming someone new, it’s about finally seeing who you’ve been all along.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. 

Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast 

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

04:21 Is External Validation Ever Healthy?

08:25 A 7-Step Path to Rebuilding Confidence

10:57 How Men and Women Show Confidence Differently

12:29 Mastering the Thoughts That Shape Your Reality

17:19 Self-Awareness vs. Self-Criticism

22:28 Meet the Best Version of You

26:26 Stop Trying to Be Liked by Everyone!

31:49 How Encouragement Boosts Performance

34:07 You Can’t Be Everyone’s Favorite and That’s Okay

38:42 People-Pleasing vs. Making People Happy

42:57 Practicing Radical Acceptance After Rejection

44:54 Your Mind Creates Stories That Aren’t True

47:16 Taking Responsibility Without Blaming Yourself

50:44 Why Feeling Worthy Now Matters Most

53:18 Healing the Roots of Deep Self-Loathing

01:06:27 Why Vulnerability Is a Form of Confidence

01:10:25 Your Mind Is More Powerful Than You Think

01:13:10 Are We Too Exposed to Our Own Reflection?

01:17:18 Managing BDD With Compassion and Awareness

01:22:04 The Importance of Celebrating Ourselves

01:24:09 What’s the Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance

01:27:45 How to Make Self-Celebration a Daily Habit

01:29:51 Catch People Doing Things Right

Episode Resources:

Roxie Nafousi | Website

Roxie Nafousi | Instagram

Roxie Nafousi | Facebook

Roxie Nafousi | X

Roxie Nafousi | LinkedIn

Roxie Nafousi | TikTok

Manifest: 7 Steps to Living Your Best Life
Confidence: Eight Steps to Knowing Your Worth

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.