What causes downward spirals in relationships

We’ve all had those moments when a simple shift in perspective suddenly makes everything feel possible, and that’s exactly what this episode explores.

Debbie is joined in this episode, Stanford psychologist Gregory Walton for a conversation about his book Ordinary Magic and how small shifts in the way we think can lead to big changes in our lives and communities.

From the way we handle tough moments and self-doubt to how institutions support students or help juvenile offenders find their footing again, Gregory shows how simple, well-designed interventions can make a powerful difference. He shares real-life stories and research that reveal how even a single encouraging message can transform someone’s outlook.

At its heart, this conversation is all about perspective, compassion, and the power of listening, reminding us that meaningful change often starts with the smallest, most human gestures.

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Listen and Learn: 

• How simple shifts in perspective, rooted in social psychology, can create what feels like “ordinary magic,” helping us navigate life’s challenges with greater wisdom and clarity
• Spotting and stepping out of the emotional spirals that quietly shape your relationships, helping you break the cycle and build real connections instead
• How our strongest reactions often reveal deeper questions like “Do I really belong?” or “Do they really love me?” and how noticing those moments can turn conflict into connection
• The surprising ways tiny facts shape big theories about ourselves and others, and why a change in perspective can transform the story
• How the cycles that shape our relationships, sense of belonging, and life trajectory are not fixed, and how small, intentional interventions can create lasting positive change
• A nuanced approach to belonging, self-esteem, and growth, showing how the subtle ways we respond to people’s questions about themselves can truly shape their confidence and resilience.
• Building honest, meaningful relationships, especially for young people facing huge challenges, can create transformative change in schools and communities

Resources: 

• Ordinary Magic: The Science of How We Can Achieve Big Change with Small Acts https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593580899 
• Gregory’s Website: https://www.gregorywalton.com/
• A blog post by Debbie on praising children and the problem with the self-esteem movement
• Connect with Gregory on Social Media: 
• https://www.instagram.com/dr.gdub

About Dr. Gregory Walton

Dr. Gregory Walton is the Michael Forman University Fellow and professor of psychology at Stanford University. Much of his research investigates psychological processes that contribute to major social problems, and how brief psychological interventions that target these processes can address such problems and help people flourish over long periods of time. Greg’s research has been published in leading scientific journals, and has been covered in major media outlets including the New York Times, Harvard Business Review, The Wall Street Journal, and NPR. He has received awards from numerous organizations including from the American Education Research Association, the American Psychological Association, the Society for Experimental Social Psychology, and the Society for the Psychological Study of Social Issues. He earned his A.B. in Philosophy from Stanford and a PhD in Psychology from Yale University. His new book is called Ordinary Magic: The Science of How We Can Achieve Big Change with Small Acts. 

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