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The Parent's Behaviour With the Dirty Hands
The parents were seeing this, as most of us would, as this annoying thing. But even then, she said they'd realized that they were probably making it worse because they had these normal instinctive reactions to what he was doing. Children don't want to annoy us and fel we're against them. That's really scary. What they do want is to be seen and helped in their awkwardness, in their impulsivity, in their overwhelm. To have one parent that sees you and wants to help is enough. And so that was the big transition that these parents made. They went from seeing this as something reasonable, he was just defying them and needed to be talked to about it