Identity Friction Blocks Action

You know that moment when you say yes to something, you mean it, you see the upside… and then you can’t get yourself to actually do it?

Procrastination is unbelievably frustrating. And demoralizing. And confusing. Because you care. You’re committed. So why does the follow-through stall?

Most of us don’t even pause long enough to ask that question. We go straight to self-judgment. We beat ourselves up, try to muster more willpower, and promise that tomorrow will be different. Then tomorrow rolls in looking a whole lot like today.

Here’s the truth: procrastination doesn’t show up because you’re lazy or unreliable. It shows up because something inside you needs attention.

There are at least ten reasons you might be putting things off that have nothing to do with your drive. Once you understand which one is at play, things start to pick back up again. The task stops feeling like a crushing boulder and starts feeling workable again.

Let’s dig in.

1. You’re not avoiding the task, you’re avoiding the feeling the task represents.

When I was a kid, I hated practicing baton (yes, I was a baton twirler.) Why? Because I wasn’t any good at it. So practicing made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. When a task brings up shame, fear, grief, or uncertainty, we avoid it so we don’t have to feel the “bad” feelings. Here’s a great piece from Adam Grant that delves more deeply into this concept.

If this one rings true for you, be gentle with yourself. You’re not dodging responsibility. You’re trying not to touch something tender, and that’s human.

2. You just don’t know where to start because the task is actually an unclear goal or moonshot.

Sometimes procrastination isn’t about resistance. It’s about ambiguity.

My client David wanted to make a career pivot into the mental wellness space. He cared about the idea, had the drive, and still found himself scrolling TikTok for hours. Not because he didn’t want the change — but because “pivot into a new field” isn’t a task. It’s a whole universe.

Once we broke it into something bite-sized, things shifted. His first step was simply to brainstorm possible roles with AI. One tiny action gave him momentum.

When a task is too big, too fuzzy, or missing a clear finish line, your brain doesn’t know where to land. And when it can’t find a starting point, it defaults to delay.

If this feels familiar, break the task down until it fits into ten minutes. And if you get stuck, ask someone to help you chunk it down. We’re often too close to see the obvious first move.

3. You don’t have structure or scaffolding.

A lot of people think procrastination is a motivation issue. More often, it’s a structure issue.

Most of my clients need some kind of container to hold their progress — a place, a routine, or a system that keeps things from floating away. For some, that’s accountability. For others, it’s an Excel spreadsheet that tracks next steps. And for some, it’s something as simple as a recurring calendar block or a weekly coworking session.

Without scaffolding, even small tasks feel unwieldy. You don’t know where the work begins or ends, and your brain interprets that lack of boundaries as danger and runs for the hills.

Structure isn’t rigid. It’s supportive. It creates the conditions where your energy can actually move.

4. You’re a perfectionist, just like me!

Perfectionism doesn’t always look like color-coded calendars or flawless work. Sometimes it looks like… not starting at all.

We avoid the task because we know the beginning will be messy. First drafts, early attempts, rough versions — they bring up the discomfort of not being great right away. When the internal bar feels sky-high, delaying becomes a way to sidestep the risk of falling short.

I felt this deeply while working on my book proposal. I can talk about the ideas for days, but sitting down to write that first, imperfect version? So brutal. My procrastination wasn’t laziness. It was fear of being disappointing..

What helps now is that I challenge myself to write the most perfect messy draft possible. It’s my way of choosing progress over performance.

5. Your brain simply has too much going on.

Cognitive overload often looks invisible from the outside, and the impact shows up in your capacity, not your calendar. This is backed by research that shows cognitive overload can reduce our working memory by nearly 30 percent.

And I have felt this first hand. This year asked a lot of me — family medical challenges, losing both of our dogs, and the fast growth of my business. With so much happening at once, my bandwidth was already stretched, and my capacity got really narrow.

When your internal resources are tapped, even routine tasks can feel challenging because you’re operating with limited mental bandwidth.

If this resonates, give yourself credit: you’re not procrastinating. You’re managing a load your brain hasn’t had room to process.

6. You said yes, but it doesn’t really align with your values.

Sometimes procrastination shows up because part of you already knows the truth: you agreed to something that doesn’t match what matters to you.

I see this a lot. In the moment, saying yes can feel easier — it keeps the peace, meets expectations, or avoids an uncomfortable conversation. But later, when it’s time to follow through, your motivation drops because the task isn’t connected to your actual priorities.

One of my clients agreed to host Thanksgiving. She wanted to be gracious, didn’t want to disappoint anyone, and thought it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But her real value is quality time, not hours in the kitchen. So there she was at Ralphs on Thanksgiving morning, stressed and grumpy, wishing she’d suggested going out to a restaurant instead.

When your actions bump up against your values, procrastination is often the first signal. It’s your system saying, “This isn’t it.”

If this resonates, it might be time to check in with what you value most and whether the yes to the task reflects it.

7. You just don’t have the emotional energy.

Western culture loves the idea of powering through. We celebrate grit, push ourselves past our limits, and treat resilience like a renewable resource. But emotional energy doesn’t work that way.

If you’re carrying grief, burnout, chronic stress, or emotional fatigue, your system is already working overtime. Your body and mind are using energy to simply stay upright. In that state, even small tasks can feel like they require more than you have to give.

This isn’t about willpower. It’s about capacity.

Some seasons take more out of us than others. And when your internal reserves are low, procrastination is often a sign that your system is asking for restoration, not more effort.

Recognizing that you have an energy issue instead of a character flaw is often the first shift. It creates space for compassion instead of criticism — and that alone can ease the pressure.

8. You don’t have the skills necessary to complete the task.

Sometimes procrastination is a signal that you’re missing a skill, a tool, or a bit of knowledge you need to get started.

A few years ago, I knew my website needed a complete overhaul. I didn’t have the budget to hire help, which meant I had to learn Squarespace myself. And every time I thought about it, I froze. Not because I didn’t care — but because I didn’t know how long it would take, what I’d have to figure out, or how many times I’d get stuck along the way.

That uncertainty felt overwhelming. Not knowing how to do something can feel just as daunting as not wanting to do it.

When you’re not confident you have the right skills (or the time to learn them), avoidance becomes the path of least resistance. It’s not resistance to the task. It’s resistance to the discomfort of being a beginner again.

If this resonates, the next step might not be “do the task.” It might be “learn the first thing you need in order to do the task.” Make the learning its own task. And break that down into small, doable pieces — like finding a single YouTube tutorial or setting aside a short block of time to understand one feature. Sometimes momentum starts with learning, not doing.

9. You’re scared of what might happen.

Sometimes procrastination isn’t about the task itself. It’s about what completing the task might set in motion.

Change, even the kind you’re excited about, can stir up fear. A new direction might mean new responsibilities, new expectations, or stepping into something unfamiliar. The brain interprets all of that as risk, so it taps the brakes.

My client David — the same one exploring a career pivot — felt this deeply. Part of his procrastination came from the fear that change might require more schooling, a move, a financial reset, or disappointing people he cared about. The unknown felt big, so avoidance felt safer.

We all do this. We pause not because we don’t want the future, but because we don’t know what it might ask of us.

If this feels familiar, remember: fear doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path. It often means you’re standing at the edge of something meaningful.

10. You don’t see yourself as the person who does that thing.

Procrastination sometimes shows up when a task bumps against your sense of who you are. When the action requires a version of you that feels unfamiliar, your system can freeze.

David felt this, too. He’d been successful for years in his industry. He saw himself as accomplished, experienced, someone who knew his lane and excelled in it. Pivoting into something new meant seeing himself differently — as a “rookie” again. That identity shift felt jarring, and the tasks connected to the pivot suddenly felt impossible to start.

We all have moments like this. The task isn’t hard. The identity transition is.

If you catch yourself avoiding something you know will move you forward, consider whether the real friction is between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming. Naming that can bring a surprising amount of ease.

Bottom Line

Procrastination isn’t a verdict on your character. It’s a clue. If you’ve been circling a task you care about, it doesn’t mean you’re lazy or unreliable. It usually means something inside you needs attention — a feeling, a value, a fear, a skill, an identity shift. When you get curious about what’s really going on, the pressure eases and the path forward gets clearer. Not because you tried harder, but because you finally understood what the delay was trying to tell you.

If someone came to mind while you were reading this—please send it their way. You never know the impact a well-timed message can have.

Related Content

* Why Can’t I Just Start Today?

* How Perfectionism Leads to Imposter Syndrome

* What You’ve Got Wrong About Procrastination

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Journal Prompts

Here are 4 journal prompts for paid Moonshot Mentor subscribers. These questions will help you explore what your procrastination might be trying to show you.