When Vala was young, she had an idea that she would be enlightened in eight years. She says we try to protect and enhance ourselves by thinking there's a self doing something. Her advice: just saydos no matter what it is, it's not a problem. It feels bad, it's hurtfult d, but just to cut out the framing and ats who that's y.
Tara Brach (Buddist teacher! Author! Trusting the Gold! Radical Compassion!) makes it weird!