I was never short listed or long listed for and it did feel like i was never going to be, because it felt like a very establishment prize. So so so it somewhere along the line, i think i just put it aside and stopped visad sort of imagining it. But i had already imagined it. I'd already created that vision. When i was up for the er bok a prize, bu as soon as i made the long list,  was really excited. And i just said to myself, i've got to win. That's all there is. I've got to winning. It would move my career into the space i wanted it to be - main stream attention

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