This episode originally aired on May 3, 2021 (Episode 244), and I’m bringing it back because so many of you told me how much it resonated. If you’ve ever struggled with a partner who shuts down or found yourself withdrawing, this one’s worth revisiting. Whether you’re navigating it now, reflecting on the past, or supporting someone you love, I hope it brings clarity and hope.

Few things hurt more than reaching for your partner and being met with silence. In this episode, I’m unpacking why people shut down, how it damages connection, and what you can do to change the pattern. We’ll look at the pursue-withdraw cycle, Gottman’s “Four Horsemen,” and why emotional safety is the key to breaking through. You’ll learn how to soften your approach, communicate vulnerably, and rebuild trust - while also considering when it’s time to stop chasing and start filling your own cup.

As you listen, think about how you usually respond when your partner withdraws and what effect that has. Consider what might change if you focused more on creating safety than on pushing for answers. And ask yourself where you could begin creating fulfillment in your own life, instead of waiting for your partner to engage.

Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction & Why Partners Shut Down 06:00 The Pursue-Withdraw Cycle in Relationships 11:04 The Impact of Withdrawal and Avoidance 13:01 Gottman’s Four Horsemen & The Cost of Stonewalling 15:12 Why Withdrawal Happens & When It’s About More Than You 20:40 Creating Emotional Safety and Communicating Vulnerably 28:04 Positive Reinforcement, Diplomacy & Patience 36:10 Filling Your Own Cup & Breaking the Chase Cycle

If you’d like more support as you work on these skills, check out my Communication That Connects Free Training. It’s designed to help you move out of conflict loops and into conversations that bring you closer, and it comes with a workbook to guide you through the process. You can also take my How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz for quick insight into what’s working well and where you might want to focus your growth.

Let’s stay connected beyond the podcast. I share more tools and encouragement every week on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. And I’d love to hear from you if this episode sparked a question, gave you an idea for a future topic, or made you think about your relationship in a new way - let’s talk!

And a special thank you to the sponsor of today’s episode: Headway. I love reading and learning, but I don’t always have time to sit down with a book. The Headway app makes it easy to keep growing with bite-sized summaries of the best titles out there, and I use it almost every day. If you’d like to try it, you can save 25% at makeheadway.com/lhs with the promo code LHS.

Let’s keep learning and growing together. 🌱

xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
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