Relationships - Is There a Gender Reversal?

I'm not a therapist. I don't work with couples. Im just reporting from my own relationship of 20 plus years, my buddhist practice of tony plus years. It seems that in all or whatever the actual gender mixes in relationship, it does seem like there's one person who is pulling for more togetherness and individuality. So i wondo, how do you help people or suggest that people make that shiftw luckily, i don't have to help anyone. But i we each have to find our own way here.