Without some kind of external grading system to let you relax, you are struggling with this idea of how do i relax? When is it ok to relax? And that in turn becomes even more problematic because there's always something you can do write. So given an endless pile of tasks to do, and given a complete absence of a grading system to tell you it's ok to relax, you don't know how to relax. You end up with this kind of thing where you grind, grind, grind,. Yea! Just a lot of unknowns and no one knows exactly how long this thires will last. But internally I get the sense that you're egotistical but also very grateful