In both of those examples, I feel like an awkwardness avoidance characteristic might be operating where it's just like there's something uncomfortable about being transparent. We don't like to do something that's going to be painful now that will have better payoff later. The number of times in workplaces where someone says, hey, can you go do that thing? And what the person is thinking is like, no, that's impossible. What they say is yes, because yes feels good. It doesn't feel good as absolutely everything that happens afterwards.
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Why is most communication advice so fluffy? How can we actually communicate better? Why do we sometimes fail to say what we mean or what needs to be said? What counts as "nonviolent" communication? To what extent is avoidance of conflict and confrontation a result of agreeableness versus cowardice? What aspects of divorce aren't talked about enough?
Misha Glouberman helps people communicate and connect better. He teaches a course called How to Talk to People About Things, online and in person, that helps people get better outcomes in their most important conversations at work and at home. He is an expert facilitator and designer of online and in-person events. He hosts the Trampoline Hall Lectures in Toronto, and is the co-author, with Sheila Heti, of The Chairs Are Where The People Go. He does lots of online events, so join his email list to learn more about them.
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