The Horror of Haunted Shorts

All my shorts were no longer up to, you know, they wouldn't cut the mustard anymore. I've lost a lot of weight and height during the lockdowns. And so I was like, what? All the shorts. I don't even buy them in Australia. If you get a good deal at a charity store, they're haunted. They're a short horror story. It would just keep getting shorter until they become underpants. But you're like stories for kids. A wedgie is the natural comedy ending of that.