I Have Only Just Beginning to Repent on My Deathbed

The Orthodox saints have this bad habit of saying things like, I have only just begun to repent on their deathbed. And it makes me uncomfortable because there's all the places in me that go, you know, I'm pretty good. But also feel like I'm slower and hurry is gone and like my humanity is back. That I just yeah, slowing down to the moment forces me to come to terms with the mixed bag. Yeah.