How to initiate different desire types

Having more sex isn’t actually about libido.

(We know — that’s what everyone thinks the issue is.)

In today’s episode, we’re breaking down what really gets in the way of wanting sex more often — and what you can do about it that doesn’t feel forced, pressured, or performative. We share the exact strategies we teach inside Deeper, all built around making connection feel easier, pleasure feel better, and intimacy feel more accessible in your day-to-day life.

Whether you’re feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, “too tired,” or stuck in a rut… there are clear, compassionate explanations for why sex feels harder right now — and genuinely doable steps to change that.

💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why communication is the foundation for great sex

• How mental load obliterates desire (and what to do instead)

• The connection between emotional intimacy and physical intimacy

• How desire actually works — and why spontaneous desire is not the gold standard

• The pleasure–desire link (and why better sex = wanting more sex)

• What to try this week to create more connection and more turn-on

If you’re in a tough season, we hope this episode reminds you there’s nothing wrong with you or your relationship. There’s always a path back to connection, closeness, and pleasure.

Links & Resources

🔥 The Ultimate Foreplay Guides

It’s time to stop guessing and start feeling confident in your technique! These guides show you exactly how to use your hands and mouth on your partner in ways that will BLOW. THEIR. MIND.

👉 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

✨ The Ultimate Sex Guide

Over forty tastefully illustrated sex positions with detailed, step-by-step instructions on how to get into, out of, and move in each position. Get ready for toe-curling, bedsheet-gripping, heart-opening experiences for BOTH of you!

👉 http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex

❤️ Ready to reconnect? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back).

Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever.

👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys

Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

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