The Importance of Absurdity

I think we can't reckon with our own impermanence. We know as humans that the universe is chaos, but we still search for meaning within that. So you think that that search for meaning is based in a fear of death? It's not really, it's deep beyond conscious. I think even we were talking about creativity earlier, like sometimes I go like, why do I write a short story? Why do I do any creativity? And sometimes I think at the core of me it's, well, fuck it. Maybe I can avoid death. Maybe my thing can live beyond and I'm leaving something behind because I don't want to rot with the worms. Do you actually