Why Anxiety Isn’t in the Circumstance

In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz reveals the surprising antidote to anxiety—and it’s not a breathing trick, mindset hack, or self-soothing technique. It’s something much deeper, much more powerful... and much more liberating.

If you’ve ever struggled with social anxiety, performance anxiety, or general fear about future events—this episode is for you. Dr. Aziz breaks down what actually creates anxiety (hint: it’s not the situation itself) and why so many well-meaning efforts to manage or eliminate anxiety fail. You’ll discover how attachment to specific outcomes fuels fear, and how opening to all outcomes can set you free.

Packed with stories, metaphors, and practical insights, this conversation invites you to stop clinging, start choosing, and reclaim your peace and personal power.

🎧 Ready to step into real freedom? Tune in now and learn how to live without fear holding you back.


---------------------------------------

Do you get nervous before social events, presentations, or even small conversations? Do your palms sweat, your mind race, or your stomach knot up? What if I told you that anxiety isn’t actually in the event itself—and that realizing this could be the first step to freedom?

Many people assume the fear they feel is because the situation is “scary.” Public speaking terrifies them. Approaching someone attractive feels impossible. Even something as simple as paying taxes can trigger tension. And while these experiences feel real, the truth is: anxiety isn’t in the circumstance—it’s in how you relate to it.

“Pick any situation—bungee jumping, giving a presentation, meeting someone new. There’s always someone who feels terrified, and someone who feels excited. Anxiety isn’t the event—it’s in the attachment to the outcome.”

The Hidden Ingredient of Anxiety

So what creates anxiety? One word: attachment.

It’s the intense need for things to go a certain way. The desire for approval, for everything to be perfect, for no awkward pauses or mistakes. This attachment fuels your nervous system: muscles tense, your mind spins, and panic can emerge—even before you’ve begun.

Think about it. You’re anxious because you want someone to respond positively, or you need the conversation to hit a certain standard, or you fear judgment if you stumble. That clinging, that insistence that the outcome must be perfect, is the root of anxiety.

“If attachment is in your cookie recipe, it’s going to taste like poop. That’s what anxiety feels like.”

Letting Go Without Giving Up

Here’s the liberating truth: the antidote to anxiety is letting all outcomes be okay. Open to the possibility that things might not go exactly as you planned—and that you will still be okay.

This doesn’t mean being passive or careless. You still show up, do your best, and steer toward the outcomes you want. But beyond your control? It’s no longer a source of fear.

Start small: identify a situation that triggers anxiety. Notice what outcome you’re attached to—and which outcomes you consider “unacceptable.” Then, in a safe, relaxed environment, imagine those outcomes unfolding—and allow yourself to feel okay if they do.

This mental exposure gradually rewires your nervous system. You discover that you can show up fully, navigate uncertainty, and still thrive. Over time, anxiety dissolves—and you step into life more fully, whether that’s giving a talk, approaching someone new, or handling the unexpected with calm confidence.

You Can Choose Freedom

Anxiety doesn’t have to control you. Once you see it for what it is—attachment and clinging—you can begin to loosen its grip. Life becomes a playground for growth instead of a minefield of fear.

“You can show up, be seen, and be okay no matter what happens. That’s freedom. That’s courage. That’s living fully.”

The first step is noticing your attachment, letting go of the need for control, and practicing tolerance for uncertainty. The more you do it, the more anxiety dissolves—and the more you reclaim your life, moment by moment.