Am I Afraid That I Am Committing Blasphemy Against the Holy Spirit?

Soya: I had this huge revelation on my pretanta retreat, in which i realized, am, that even though i was confident god was calling me here, i could say no and he would still love me. The bishop says, he makes sure that i've not come by any necessity or constraint. And a, and where i went with this in in prayer was not, am, like some one's forcing me to do this or a, but rather, there was a time that i was here at the monastery and i was here by necessity or constraints. Soya: There needs to be this growth in detachment for all of us at the monastery. A, if you know what