How to Write a Novel

If you can't write a novel, all this time will have been wasted. You might look foolish to those people who know you're trying. Your dreams of being a published author will die. This failure will haunt you for the rest of your bitter husk of an existence. It's neither astonishing nor shameful that you try to protect yourself from all the stress and pain by doing something else. The moment you stop trying to write, the anxiety collapses, and you can do something pleasant. Like wanking. I mean, I realise you can fail at wanking as well, but... Yeah, he definitely has in my... yeah, sorry. Look, I don't have a glib