You Aren't So, You Don't Want, You Know?

If you've wanted to hear more about ADHD reWired Coach, Roxie Martin, then this is the show you need to listen to. In this episode, Eric and Roxie get vulnerable and dive into tackling fear, facing joy, and what it means for them to show up. About Roxie: Roxie Martin is a certified life-coach, currently coaching her second season of ADHD reWired's Coaching and Accountability Groups. She has 35 years of research experience in what it's like to be an adult with ADHD, and a lifetime of hard-won wisdom to share. She has a colorful and diverse background that allows her to deeply relate and connect with almost anyone. She has been a ministry leader, a wife, a mom, a hair stylist, and a mentor. She is compassionate, encouraging, and has a finely-tuned bullshit-meter that helps cut quickly through the fluff and get right to the good stuff. [00:02:17] - Eric and Roxie go into the timeline of how she became one of the ADHD reWired Coaches. From ArC member to peer mentor, Eric wanted Roxie to become a coach for the groups. [00:03:57] - Eric asks Roxie if she's always innately had [her bullshit-meter] - her answer feels like an honest yes and explains why it feels weird to say it. They talk about intuition, as Eric feels like grad school beat the intuition out of [them] and learned not to trust the intuition, but has learned to listen to and amplify his intuition through coaching. [00:05:31] - Eric talks about the vision of how things were "supposed" to go, have a laugh about how things went out-of-order, and how Roxie is coaching her second season and starting up a podcast with Will Curb called, "Wait, What was the Question?" [00:06:40] - Eric and Roxie dive into who Roxie is, and the vulnerabilities Roxie has been exploring in her own life. Roxie goes more into "counterfeit" vulnerability through her own exploration and self-awareness. She talks about things that hadn't changed over the years, and what she did when she was put into situations she had to be vulnerable in. Roxie goes more into what her actions used to be and verbalizes the feelings that came up for her when faced with a choice to take the easy or vulnerable way through. [00:09:16] - Roxie answers Eric's question about what it is she was numbing from. She talks about where she noticed it [the feelings] came up the most, such as events or parties or being in settings where she's not comfortable - particularly social things, and where she knew she would have to have a hard conversation. [00:10:27] - Roxie talks about what got her more curious, with Eric's impression that she looks through a lens of curiosity. Roxie says she wishes she had a bullshit meter for herself but can feel it when she's justifying, compromising, or playing small. She then talks about why she's played small. She acknowledges she's not able to change it, but is not able to ignore it. Hear more here about her beginning when she first joined ArC and talks about being dumb on purpose. She also talks about creating a safe space for the members of her groups. [00:13:22] - Eric asks what her training has taught her about showing up in group. She says she's learned a lot more about coaching from being part of the ArC seasons, with her classes still being valuable. She then dives into compassion being great, but you need compassion and strength in order to feel safe and secure. Roxie dives into why the strength-piece is important, talks about the ways we communicate information, and trusting the intuition and gut with the knowledge and strength. [00:22:41] - Roxie and Eric shine a light on what Roxie has seen in her coaching sessions, what stands out for her, and what she's learned from the members. She talks about impulse control, the excitement of witnessing growth and self-realized epiphanies, and reframing self-talk, reiterating that it's a hard place to make progress without curiosity and compassion. Roxie also reveals some of the tips and tricks she's learned from members. [00:27:04] - Roxie explains more about picking up tools and how it's helped her teach what she's learned. Eric also talks about feeling clueless, being on time for class in grad-school, and explains why it's important to dig into this stuff [as coaches.] He also talks about giving space as such an important skill, recognizing that Roxie does that really well. [00:29:35] - Eric dives more into what Roxie mentioned earlier about "impulse control" and allowing members to make their own discoveries. Roxie dives into what she feels when she notices when she's only giving advice, and how the impulse of giving advice comes from being in some kind of fear. Eric talks about the foggy mirror, as Roxie explains setting up her environment to show up mentally, emotionally, physically. [00:32:33] - Roxie revisits Eric's earlier question about her favorite types of people to work with. Roxie loves the diversity of folks she gets to work with, and instead shares the types of people she is most intimidated by. Then, they dive deep into the different types of vulnerability, and how different people will see vulnerability differently based on their own vulnerabilities. Roxie then verbalizes about adapting her approach to the different types of vulnerability that will come up in the coaching groups, and meeting people where they're at. Roxie truly believes everyone has value and something to offer, and emphasizes why she works to set up the groups to be the safest place it can be. [00:36:11] - "Vulnerability will look really similar to certain personality types." - Roxie [00:37:12] - "What is intuition's […] thinking mind, and that's curiosity." - Eric [00:42:57] - Roxie gets really vulnerable about how scary it is to acknowledge how much she loves what she's doing. She dives even more into playing small, and how it was a strategy she adopted early on. She then goes in head first about joy and maintaining control around her own emotions. [00:45:53] - The biggest obstacle for really taking [the coaching group content in] is all the bullshit in our heads. Roxie explains being curious, trusting the process, and how great things happen when we can trust the process. [00:46:29] - "You're not defective, there's nothing wrong… We will be here. It's an ongoing thing…" Roxie verbalizes what she wants for the coaching group members, and how this really is a community on the same path. Here, you really hear the joy in her voice of how much love she has for doing what she does with and in these groups. [00:47:20] - Eric "outs" Roxie (and himself) about how "none of us" have [their] shit together, and how they set the record straight during group, as Eric reflects on his past-self compared to where he is now. [00:49:16] - Roxie is amazed at how exciting things are on the other side of fear, and talks about the anxiety and fear from her first season when she started coaching. Then, when she was able to do it anyway, she realized the fear didn't last and went through the whole process to where she is now, all with a growth mindset. [00:53:07] - Go to coachingrewired.com to register for Season 26 of the ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability groups! Check out the Other Podcasts on the ADHD reWired Podcast Network: adhdessentials.com with Brendan Mehan hackingyouradhd.com with Will Curb adhddiversified.ca with MJ Siemens adhdfriendlylifestyle.com with Moira Maybin coming soon - Wait, What Was the Question? with Will Curb and Coach Roxie Martin. Reach out to Will and Roxie at questions@whatwasthequestionpodcast.com Don't Forget These, Too! coachingrewired.com — Get your name on the waitlist to join the fall season of ADHD reWired's Coaching and Accountability Groups adultstudyhall.com — Join your ADHD-friendly co-working space! adhdrewired.com/patreon — Support the show by becoming a Patron! adhdrewired.com/events — Join Eric, Brendan, Will, MJ, Moira, Roxie, and Barb for an hour of Live Q&A on Zoom, every 2nd Tuesday of the month at 12:30pm Central (10:30am Pacific / 1:30pm Eastern)