The Importance of Self Distancing

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In an experiment, people were asked to put themselves in a place of a third person rather than the other person in the relationship. Once you do that, it's pretty easy to be like, all right, fair enough. I probably overreacted and she also had reasons for feeling as frustrated with me as she was. The notion of celebrating together or savoring tends to go out the window when we're under stress. But if you think at a modest level, what's a good event? It doesn't have to be your first job but something worth celebrating.

The science is crystal clear, deep, genuine, healthy and enduring relationships are at the center of a well-lived life. But, so often, it’s the long-term intimate partnerships that we take most for granted or give least attentiveness to. Just assuming they’ll keep on keeping on. Until they don’t. So how DO you keep your relationship with someone you hope to be a life partner not just alive, but truly rich and flourishing and nourishing and joyful? Especially over a period of years or, if you’re fortunate enough, decades? What’s the secret to maintaining passion and connection throughout the years?

That’s where we’re headed in this eye-opening conversation with professor Eli Finkel, as we dive deep into the world of romantic relationships. Eli is the author of the bestselling book The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work.

You'll discover:

The surprising impact of engaging in exciting, out-of-the-ordinary activities on relationship satisfaction and passion.
How to distinguish between activities that foster closeness and those that reignite desire.
The unexpected benefits of breaking out of routines and embracing new challenges together.

And, lots more. During our conversation, we delve into the intricacies of maintaining passion in long-term relationships, discussing the importance of novelty, and exploring the potential benefits of breaking out of routines in the aftermath of the pandemic. Eli shares valuable insights on how couples can be deliberate about rebooting their relationships and resetting priorities, all while creating meaningful connections and lasting memories.

You can find Eli at: Website | Twitter

If you LOVED this episode you’ll also love the conversations we had with Julie and John Gottman about love and marriage.

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