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Can Rishi Fix Britain?
You might know me from my heroic role in saving Britain from the pandemic. Or for eating animal genitalia. Heard you were looking for someone to take over Twitter and, well, who better than me? I could be for Twitter what Nick Clegg is for Facebook. And if that doesn't get your juices flowing, nothing will. See if he's in the post, so it should be with you by June. Bye.