Setting Targets: Three Years and Ten Days

Marking the 400th episode of Marriage Therapy Radio, Zach takes the mic solo to reflect on eight years of podcasting, lessons from working with couples, and what it really means to be a grownup in your relationship.

He shares behind-the-scenes insights from the recent three-part series with the husband and the wife (Ira and Andrea), explaining how their courage and vulnerability helped listeners see that change starts with small, consistent choices. Using their story as a lens, Zach revisits his two-part framework for relationship success:

1. Be a grownup – Show up as your wise, mature self who can manage disappointment, own mistakes, and stay grounded.

2. Do more of what your partner likes (and less of what they don’t).

From there, Zach explores the miracle question, a therapeutic exercise that helps couples (and families) imagine what success looks like before it happens, and offers practical advice for navigating Thanksgiving, holidays, and the everyday moments that define marriage.

He also reflects on his own reparenting journey through five years of sobriety, the lessons of risk-taking (inspired by watching football and realizing you don’t always have to “punt”), and the idea that “nothing changes if nothing changes.”

This heartfelt solo episode blends gratitude, humor, and practical wisdom—a reminder that progress in love and life doesn’t require perfection, just a willingness to keep making your relationship a little better today than it was yesterday.

Key Takeaways

• The two secrets to healthy relationships:

  1. Be a grownup.

  2. Do more of what your partner likes and less of what they don’t.

• The “miracle question” – Ask what it would look like if the next season (or even this weekend) went exactly right; use that as your roadmap.

• Nothing changes if nothing changes – Progress requires choosing differently, again and again.

• Be intentional with holidays – Set expectations, manage alcohol and boundaries, and choose gratitude.

• Reparenting is ongoing work – Healing old patterns is part of growing up emotionally and relationally.

• Change your relationship with risk – Sometimes you don’t need to punt; you can go for it.

• Better is the goal – Therapy, marriage, and life don’t have to be “all better.” Just better than before.

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