The Importance of Self-Awareness in Relationships

I was in a relationship where I often had sex with my partner every couple days or so and I always orgasmed but I despised our sex life. There was no middle piece there was no flirting there was no me actually desiring him because when I did try to have intimate moments he would shut her down. At the time I didn't realize what real love and what real pleasure could feel like or what it could look like it took some time for me to have that full understanding.