When misbehavior is strategic

Why is the "most wonderful time of the year" also the time, all too often, when our kids are at their worst?

Drawing on research from child psychologists, developmental experts, and real-life family dynamics, Amy and Margaret explore this extremely familiar dynamic, and explain how disrupted routines, sensory overload, anxiety, social expectations, and good old-fashioned exhaustion collide to push kids past their emotional thresholds.

They discuss:

• How blown-up routines remove a key emotional “protective factor” for kids

• Why holiday excitement + uncertainty creates anxiety (for kids and adults)

• The “migraine threshold” analogy for understanding meltdowns

• How neurodivergent kids experience holiday environments differently

• Why expectations—ours and theirs—fuel disappointment

• When misbehavior is emotional dysregulation vs. strategic escape

• How to rethink traditions so they actually work for the kids you have

• Practical ways to add back small routines, reduce overwhelm, and prepare kids ahead of time

If holiday gatherings feel harder than they “should,” this episode offers compassion, insight, and doable strategies to help every kid (and parent) get through the season with less stress.

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• Selman, S. B., & Dilworth-Bart, J. E. (2024). “Routines and child development: A systematic review.” Journal of Family Theory & Review
• Amhefferan for In the Now Counseling blog: Why Do Kids Misbehave On Holidays?
• Howcast: How to Handle Your Child’s Holiday Stress with Dr. Robin Goodman
• Melinda Wenner Moyer on Substack: Why Do my Kids Turn Into Monsters Over the Holidays?
• Melinda Wenner Moyer for Slate: Better Not Pout, Better Not Cry
• Melinda Wenner Moyer on Substack: Managing the Post-Holiday "Why Are My Kids Acting Like This?" Slump
• Megan Devine for Empowering Parents: How to Manage Tantrums, Misbehavior, and Meltdowns During the Holidays

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.

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