The Different Types of Self-Destructive Pain

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Self-destructive pain is more of the second arrow that we shoot ourselves with. It reminds you of this idea of second order emotions, which are emotions about your emotions. I'm spending all of this time caught up in the question of what it means and am I going to succeed or fail? There's all of these layers of self-destructives pain that can color all of the other ones.

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To increase our chances of success (in whatever domain and using definition of success), should we focus on boosting our strengths or shoring up our weaknesses? Are we harsher in our critiques of ourselves than in our critiques of others? What should an ideal inner monologue be like? What are some useful taxonomies of pain? Are there times when irrational, magical, emotionally-driven, and/or delusional types of thinking are useful?

Anna Paley is insatiably curious about how best to live our lives. She is a behavioral scientist and marketing professor at Tilburg University in the Netherlands. She received her PhD from New York University, Stern School of Business in 2017. You can reach her at a.paley@tilburguniversity.edu.

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