i think of germany as always incredibly pessimistic, but very comfortable and so it is. Sans optimistic on the surface, but it's deeply sad and melancholy. So maybe you are the smik of german pessimism. And california optimism. Just like you said, for teal fellowships, you look for people who embody these. Then contradiction, that the extreme pessimism has to do with the weirdness of the world and the difficulty of breaking through the conformity. But at some level you think it can be done. Ehand, you've done it.

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