Forgiveness Is Not a Checkbox, Right?

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In Judaism, the work is on the harm doer to make things right. So if they're not coming to you correctly, there's no obligation,. There's no question, forgiveness is off the table. And all of the words about apologizing are really victim centric, right? You're supposed to appease the person who was harmed - which would be different for one person than it would be for another.

We all mess up. Sometimes in small ways, but other times big ones. Sometimes privately, other times publicly. We don’t mean to - or maybe we do in the momentum, but feel remorse after the fact. Either way, we all will, at some point, hurt someone. And we may also suffer repercussions. Whether personal, communal, or societal. Question is, what do we do after that? How do we repair the harm, and make amends? How do we find a way back to grace, connection, community, redemption and repair? Is that even possible in all cases? And if so, what are the steps? And what about forgiveness? Does that, and should it, be a part of the process?

Turns out, there is a well-defined set of steps, a path, that very few know about.

Today, we explore a practical, though not always easy, 5-step path to repair, reconciliation, and redemption based on ancient, universal wisdom, that she details in her newest book, On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World. We talk about each step, why it’s there, how to step into it, and some challenging “edge case” and how to both do the work and set expectations. And, we also talk about forgiveness, with Rabbi Danya offering a powerful alternative take on it.

You can find Rabbi Danya at: Website | Twitter | Instagram

If you LOVED this episode you’ll also love the conversations we had with Jonathan Haidt about the free exchange of ideas, cancel culture, and the line between growth and harm.

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