The Endless Desire That Is Behind Me at All Times

After I decided to not die, then everything after that became a choice. And so suddenly every negative emotion became something I had gladly welcomed onto myself. Like instead of having anxiety happened to me, it was almost like I was choosing to do anxiety because I was chosen to not die. It took about 10 months afterwards to sort of like regain normal functionality. After that, I was still left with like really, I was very different, even after the functionality.