Fours' Pressures and Common Struggles

Fours bring depth, texture, and beauty to the world—helping all of us see what’s true and lovely through story, song, nature, and the poetry of everyday life. Their superpower is sitting with complex emotions and holding nuance, which can anchor families in grief and hard conversations. We also name a few common traps: chasing the “exceptional,” push–pull dynamics when others don’t respond just right, and letting feelings define identity. Helpful practices include simple, steady routines for the mundane, channeling empathy outward, and remembering that many feelings pass more quickly than they seem—often in about 90 seconds.

For parents, Fours shine in attunement and deep listening—so pair that Olympic-level support with calibrated challenge and an invitation to move forward. Teach kids to sort feelings from truth, give Four girls room to feel without hopping on the rollercoaster, and point them toward purpose; with Four boys, expect some identity “trying on,” name the melancholy default without shaming, and keep both empathy and next steps in play. Growth and grace—always both.

Mentioned in the podcast:

• Brave: A Teen Girl’s Guide to Beating Worry & Anxiety — Sissy Goff (referenced for parents of teen girls).

• “Someday Soon” by Wilder Woods (Bear Rinehart) — lyric about feeling like a stranger.

• Raising Boys and Girls episode #94 Giving Up Parental Control with Betsy & Gene Cashman

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⁠Owen Learns He Has What it Takes: A Lesson in Resilience⁠

⁠Lucy Learns to Be Brave: A Lesson in Courage⁠⁠

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