The Four D's Kids Need

I sat down with clinical psychologist Dr. Camilo Ortiz to unpack why modern parenting has become so exhausting—and why it’s also making kids more anxious, not less. Dr. Ortiz explains why kids need daily exposure to the four D’s—discomfort, distress, disappointment, and danger—and how natural consequences teach better than nagging or punishment ever will. We explore the limits and potential harms of today’s feminized therapy culture and how we can rebuild real-world independence through risky play, mixed-age freedom, and even early work.

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Follow Dr. Ortiz on X (Twitter): https://twitter.com/DrCamiloOrtiz

Visit Dr. Ortiz’s website: http://drcamiloortiz.com/

Learn more about “independence therapy”: https://letgrow.org/program/independence-therapy/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=12566881823&gbraid=0AAAAACiZd3IWu23qJsSxpn65U7GX9fkVZ&gclid=Cj0KCQiA0p7KBhCkARIsAE6Xlam-UlbNorBHFogiD9_yToVLHOcEIJaxqI86ql2tEa_EKyKbQkbimREaAomwEALw_wcB

Dr. Ortiz’s article in “The Free Press”: https://www.thefp.com/p/the-secret-to-parenting-do-less-of-it

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Outline:

[0:00] How parenting went wrong

[5:45] The feminization of parenting and psychology

[15:25] Abigail Shrier’s “Bad Therapy”

[15:56] Therapy isn’t the solution to every problem

[24:02] What are “mindfulness practices”?

[31:25] Are mental health issues really that common?

[36:13] Moms vs dads on childhood independence

[43:19] Why is evolutionary psychology ignored?

[54:19] Is academia biased by ideology or personality?

[1:01:17] Nagging your kids doesn’t work

[1:09:29] The collective action problem of childhood

[1:12:42] Parents shouldn’t try to win every battle

[1:23:15] What is “independence therapy”?

[1:27:40] Are kids lacking freedom or authority, or both?

[1:33:49] Focus on productive behavior, not identity

[1:50:47] “Gentle parenting” is the worst of both worlds

[1:54:06] How can you address real trauma?

[2:02:58] The case for child labor

[2:08:16] A lighthouse for sanity in psychology

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